The Volkswagen Owners Creed

(Raise your right hand and repeat after me)

I am a Volkswagen owner and solemnly swear to:

  • Make sure that valves are adjusted by myself each and every 3000 miles or 3 months whichever comes first.

  • Change the oil, myself, every 3000 miles or every 3 months whichever comes first.

  • I will occasionally thumb my nose at the various "quickie" oil/lube places when I pass them by.

  • Never lug or race the engine on up hills or down hills.

  • Lay awake at night thinking about what that noise was when I drove home from work today.

  • Always include something about VWs in almost every conversation with my SO [Significant Other]

  • Take the ribbing, cussing and screaming that my SO gives me for the previously mentioned act.

  • For at least 30 minutes a week I will lay on my back underneath my VW talking to it and myself and contemplate future maintenance and modification for it.

  • Make sure that my greasy garage cloths are kept separate from the rest of the laundry.

  • Have at least 3 manuals devoted to my VWs model year.

  • Keep my greasy "mitts" off of my SO's clean towels.

  • Be damn sure to wear my "car working" clothes and not my good ones when I proceed to do any work on my car.

  • I will keep a set of "car working" clothes or coveralls in my VW at all times for emergency repair work.

  • I will keep a tube or tub of hand cleaner in my VW at all times.

  • That the top ten items on my Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary list are VW related.

  • Make sure that any gifts I buy my SO are not VW related. At least 3 of my shirts and hats have some kind of VW emblem on them.

  • I know all of the VW FLAPS [Friendly Local Auto Parts Store] in town and have memorized all of their phone numbers.

  • Own a torque wrench and understand how to use it.

  • Keep a record book of my VWs maintenance history. Show that record book to everyone that comes over as if were pictures of a brand new baby.

  • Explain to my SO that my VW is my baby.

  • Learn to recite in your head your VWs entire maintenance schedule so you can do it while brushing your teeth.

  • Know that there is no such thing as "borrowing oil".

  • Know exactly how many miles you have left to drive before you run out of gas.

  • Have all the necessary parts and tools ready for when you break down.

  • Know all the phone numbers you need to call if you can't fix it. Learn how to sleep in my VW.

  • Learn how to push my VW.

  • Learn how to drive my VW with a broken clutch cable.

  • Learn to keep a spare clutch cable in my VW.

  • Make sure the top 5 numbers on all my phone lists are VW related.

  • My desk at work has VW related items on it.

  • Make sure that when anyone at my work has a problem with their VW, I am the first person they call.

  • Be the only one to add or take any fluids to or from my VW.

  • And finally, understand that I am a VW nut and not everyone can comprehend this... ability... and cannot understand why I eat, drink, breath, stink and sleep Volkswagens.

I can only accept that I do and therefore, will act and behave accordingly... So (please) help me [insert your deity here].

(You may now lower your right hand.)