Sell My What?

This story was given to Wade McCrary and David Fleury by a participant in the VW car show in Eureka Springs AR in August 2000 and its timeless story that is familiar anyone bitten with the VW bug!


"Nice VW! Is it for sale?"

"Well sure it's for sale, everything has it's price."

"How much are you asking?"

"Well, it'll cost you $11,312 in cash, plus you'll need to give me 8 years of your spare time, roughly 6 hours per week, I'd say. After that there is another 2 hours per week in front of the PC surfing vendor sites and asking questions on newsgroups.

Then I'll need another $233.17 for long distance phone charges to parts suppliers and private sellers, gas to and from VW shows, parts I broke and wrong parts I ordered (but you can have those, I saved them).

You will also need to fix the broken window in the garage and other damage from assorted flying tools. You will have to get the acetone burns off the kitchen table and the grease stains off of the new family room carpet (near the fireplace).

Then, you will somehow have to get my kids to unlearn six or seven swear words that they are starting to repeat when they think I'm not around.

You will need to pay my wife:
You owe her about 77 nights renting a movie and sitting on the couch,
14 "quiet" dinners after the kids have gone to bed and some kind of compensation to her for the time we drove half way across Maryland on the way back from my parents after Christmas to find that guy who was selling the set of barely worn, wide whitewall Firestone 5.60x15's (the time the kids were screaming after being in the car for 12 hours and I refused to go straight home; ask her, she'll remember).

You will need to paint the house and take my kids to McDonald's Playplace about 23 times.

You need to shoot hoops with my son for about 7 hours total and go look at at least 44 drawings that my daughter made.

You will have to call at least a dozen friends of ours and rearrange dinners and cook-outs that we missed (I think one was actually a wedding, you may need a suit).

You will have to go to my in-laws on 38 Sunday afternoons for dinner.

You probably should also apologize to my neighbors for the times I was running the compressor well past midnight.

You will have to replace roughly 8 square inches of skin and sub dermal tissue on my body, mostly from my hands, but one big chunk right above my eye. At least one skin graft for a severe post welding will be needed.

You need to repay 3 of my friends for favors involving sweating and swearing, and loan them at least 6 of your tools, two of them you may never see again.

I'll need 19 T-shirts, 2 pairs of jeans, 5 pairs of shorts and one nice collared polo shirt (shouldn't have been working in that one anyway).

You'll need to come by and disassemble the "cold storage" bay that I made for the car across that back of the garage, and take down the rack above the garage door that is used to store the "show" wheels off season.

Still interested? Let me know. If you are, I'll stop at the store on the way home and buy the paint for the house."

--John Henry